UnwindMyMind.com

The primary reason men don’t get what they want, is that they don’t know what they want.

That is the real issue, but so many guys aren’t ready for that or have forgotten it. So, as I way of looking at it from another perspective I have written this post. I’m not here to say that this is the way that people are. It is merely an invitation for you to be entertained by myself, and maybe discuss what I’m about to say.

Anyway…

The community is built upon the concept of gaming. I’ve spent alot of time over the last 2 years in bars and doing day game and what not. I never really actually got laid from the process. Looking back now, having left the community at large I think I realise why.

I’m a relationship guy.

I see a very discernible difference in the views of men. And that is that some enjoy casual sex and some don’t.

It is often argued in the community that this view is an illusion and that all men are to strive to become pickup artists. This view simply isn’t true. I got quite angry about this before I signed off from the community. I was angry because of all the guys that I see pottering about in bars and streets, with their tails dangling between their legs. I saw men that were out doing something that was not natural to them. At the time I didn’t really have a reason why I felt the way I did, but on reflection it makes a good deal more sense to me. I must point out that this isn’t all guys, merely a select few.

You see, if a man doesn’t know what he wants, then the community offers something really quite enticing - direction.

That man is the relationship guy.

The relationship guy is probably not going to meet the right women for him whilst learning pickup. The opposite is actually true. The relationship guy has a different set of values from the typical pickup artist. He prefers long term gratification over the instant kind.

These values can be the cause of very well known but often misunderstood conflict:

He is more likely to get approach anxiety.
He is more likely to get stuck in his head.

These are potentially symptoms of a person conforming to something that is not actually the best cause of action for them. If you have been out on the field for a substantial amount of time and you are still suffering from these symptoms, then something deeper is at work. This could be your problem.

Members of the community appear to hold the opinion that having a relationship with a women is something that you eventually aspire to, i.e.

after

you have got good at pickup.

This is a myth.

Deep down I have always been the man that wanted the relationship. It has simply taken me time to discover that. I wanted relationships before entering the community. As a member of the community, I found myself building relationships and then dismantling them when I realised they didn’t meet my ‘pickup targets’.

Pickup is useful, as long as we aware of why we are doing it. I actually got trapped into the communities way of thinking, and believed that I wanted to be some crazy playboy. This works out both ways too. Perhaps you are in a relationship when really you shouldn’t be, because you are a pickup guy and not a relationship guy.

Your status and life outlook is constantly changing. It is important to be aware of that fact.

So what is the best approach for the overlooked relationship guy?

Obviously, the relationship guy has to be confident enough to be approaching women, but that doesn’t mean he should be doing it with the end aim of racking up notches on his bed post. For the relationship guy, striving towards this goal offers at best frustration, and at worst a serious feeling of loneliness.

The correct approach is to readdress what he really wants.

I’ll say it again.

The primary reason men don’t get what they want, is that they don’t know what they want.

For me personally, I discovered that I actually enjoy spending time with women far more than I do the instant sex. Everybody says that we should rise above ourselves and learn to stop craving sex so much. I think this is food for thought. Recently, I found myself telling my wing that I genuinely didn’t care
if I didn’t have sex for the next five years.

Recently, I decided to readdress and realised what this was all about. This led to me changing my approach to women. I started to tell women that I wanted a relationship. Nowhere in pickup does it say to do this. Nowhere.

I have been running this approach for a month or so. It led me to meeting a girl and we are now seeing each other.

So if you are reading this I would like you to ask if perhaps you are that relationship guy.

If you are and you are out gaming. Then perhaps its time to change your direction slightly.

I was just reading this post - http://zentransformation.blogspot.com/2008/03/zen-nimbus-fusion.html

Ciaran’s explanation of Dark Nimbus sounds alot like bi-polar disorder. They appear linked in that a person is damaged in such a way as to being unable to find or hold onto a sense of purpose.

According to modern psychology, the mind is seperated into the concious and the subconscious. The conscious is said to deal primarily with thought, and the subconcious with emotions. I don’t rate psychology at all, but it is functional as a way of talking about the way I see things - so I’ll use it.

The short circuiting that he describes is the process of distraction that allows a person to see beyond conscious thought and access the subconscious. I have been studying hypnosis lately, and this short circuiting is similar to what a hypnotherapist does when he works on a patient. This is why a hypnotherapist begins his session by asking the patient to imagine themself in a specific location. It is a distraction of all the senses, so that everyday thought processes don’t interfere with the work he is about to do.

The subconscious of the modern man is a whole smorgasbord of conflicting emotions. The key in all this lies in using Zen, hypnotherapy, dreams or any other way of accessing the subconscious mind and seeing the emotional knots that exist there.

In my opinion, purpose isn’t something that you have. It is something that you are. Once a sufficient amount of emotional knots have become untied, then purpose begins to seep into the conscious.

This is the process that I have undertaken:

1. Break through the negative thought patterns.
See that something other than the ego exists.
Dismantle the ego to a sufficient (and more permanent) level.

2. Distract the concious mind.
Access the subconscious and allow the emotion to bubble to the surface.
Discover the traumatic experience associated with that emotion.
Using the concious mind as a tool, rewrite the memory so that the pain is allowed to disappate.